It was a hasty morning…
I had to make breakfast for a battalion stayed overnight in our small flat.
Amidst the kitchen chaos, I heard these words..
-Sreevidya is there in Eye-drome..
Without seeking the origin, I told my hubby.
-I want to meet her…
He was surprised at my instant demand and fixed his eyes down and sighed at the sleepers. I read his mood of disinterest and he never wanted to portray me somebody after stars!
-You didn’t change the dress even.
Oh. .. its fine..
I wrapped the session immediately and kept off the idli vessel and the boiling water for tea and walked off kitchen like a feminist. While hastily walking to studio, we carried silence in between.
I knew he had lot of acquaintances in that studio and was quite unhappy to take his wife with the tag- Sreevidya fan. Actually I wasn’t. I never adored her. I never collected her photographs and pasted those on walls or books. I had never been a member of a fan club. But whenever I saw her on screen or a magazine, I was drawn to her face and expressions. She never bored me either with her profession or looks. We connect each other this way. For me, she emitted a special charm and feel only she could give in the world!!
I saw her…
Sitting in the booth with vivid expressions tuning to the shots and title song of her new serial.
Bright and fresh in that dark red churidar-kurtha….
Thicky, curly hair overlapped on face every time she spoke something to the editor sat by.
Thrusting honey complexion..
Wide, deep, poetic eyes that had imprisoned us with thousands of expressions…
Dark brown, long bindi made a perfect slit on forehead attributing an unusual grace..
Femininity in its maximum output…
She was short compared to screen presence. Round, flexible body.
As I was enjoying her like a lesbo, she walked out of the booth reminding a swan.
While introduced she smiled at me……
Slowly erupted…enchanting smile from those perfectly shaped, wet lips. Oh…….it glued to heart in no time.
-Come to hotel. I am a little busy with this serial today. we can talk at night-
She tapped on my shoulder in response to a bizarre inquiry from me.
Soft, warm words…..
She waved hands at all while getting into the car waited outside.
I felt an unchallenged feminine thrust in her spilling to any come across even without her involvement. Flawless seduction!!
It was such a loss..
In one dark evening of 2006, she succumbed to cancer that had been attacking her since 2003. She was highly disturbed and defeated in life. But she steered through all odds, sticking to her interests and opinions in life. I hardly saw her stammering before an interviewer. A bold and beautiful lady surrendered to core emotions she believed lost from childhood.
In the coffin she remained devastated.
Cancer wasn’t generous to retain her integrity throwing light to some ultimate realities for all of us.
Media was shocked to accept her death and last looks.
Finally that charming, divine, tempting, seducing presence on screen succumbed to flames.
Though some exclusive bytes on her life was my dream project since I started my career, that night why I missed the chit-chat with sreevidya even after she invited me to her room with so much of warmth?.
Later why I envied at Balachandran chullikad while he interviewed and wrote splendidly on her?
Certain questions stay frigid in life.
And sitting in a world left by sreevidya I now feel the loss and pain sprout from deeper bottoms.
HALLUCINATIONS 
